manna?

The Key to Extraordinary Church Growth

Posted by Daveg

Read this article, and all your wildest church dreams will come true!

I was having coffee with a friend at JP’s this past week, and I had an epiphany.  A quick trip to the restroom and I was right as rain, but I couldn’t shake the notion that something profound had occurred.  Our discussion revolved around the last 2000 years of church history—Scintillating stuff.  We talked about “getting it right;” about how for these past two millennia, the church has been stumbling along, trying to land the right formula for filling sanctuaries and growing the church.  There it was again!  No mistaking it this time.  I had a revelation.  No clouds parting or strains of the Hallelujah chorus filling the booth (although John Coltrane could be heard on the coffee shop’s sound system—a close second).  One word, one image kept pulsating through my little pastor brain.  I had seen it!—A picture of the key to extraordinary church growth.  I reached across the table and touched my friends arm as I leaned out of the booth, glancing up and down the sitting area to be sure no other pastors were within ear shot.  I leaned in and whispered, “I’ve got it.”  My coffee partner leaned in as well and whispered, “you’re touching my arm.”  I was so entranced I had lost all sense of hetero-male space.  “I know the key to extraordinary church growth,” I repeated.  Now I had his interest (both hands now planted firmly on the either side of my own seat).  “What?” he intoned.  “Chairs,” I reverently whispered.  I said it again.  “Chairs.”  After the initial shock, the impact of the word began to sink in.  Although not a pastor, my friend, like myself, has skills. 

“Of course,” he sighed as he mentally slapped his forehead.  “Why haven’t any of the other church futurists and emerging church leaders figured it out?”  “No clue,” I answered.  “But there’s more,” I rasped, my excitement almost uncontainable. We both leaned in simultaneously, a clear violation of hetero-male space.  Neither of us cared.  We were caught up in something bigger than ourselves.  “The chairs have to be turned in, not directly facing each other, but on an angle.”  This time he was tracking with me all the way.  “Yeah.  Facing each other on an angle,” he repeated.  As an expert communicator, I felt the need to illustrate.  “You know Mars Hill Church, the big one?”  “Who doesn’t.  Gosh!  I’m not an idiot,” he objected.  “For years, most people have assumed that the growth in that place is attributable to great teaching and really mediocre music.  That’s not it,” I explained.  “No?”  “No!”  “Have you ever noticed the chairs?”  The blood drained from his face.  “You’re right!”  “But…”  The word hung in the air like…something just hanging in the air.  “But,” I continued, “the chairs are directly facing each other, not on an angle.  Imagine the impact you could have if you just tipped the chairs a little bit on an angle?”  We both stared off into space, visions of packed sanctuaries, throngs of worshippers, a sea of people, sitting, in chairs, indirectly facing each other, on an angle.  “One more thing.”  Even I was surprised by this latest flash-revelation.  “There’s more?”  “Most places just have regular chairs, you know, like banquet facility chairs.  If you used bigger chairs, over-stuffed ones, and…” (I was almost weeping as I said it), “they should be red.”  (Are they playing the Hallelujah Chorus on the coffee shop system?)  Without missing a beat, my friend spoke the words we were both thinking.  “We need to have a conference.”  It was the obvious conclusion.  Pastors and church leaders, flying in from all over, to learn how, after 2000 years of missing it, we had finally hit upon the key to extraordinary church growth.  Chairs.

We had been so caught up in our conversation, we had lost all track of time.  “I gotta run,” my friend said.  “No problem.  I’ve gotta run too.  Lots to think about, and even more to do.”  “Yeah,” he agreed.  “So, will I see you Sunday?”  “You bet!” I chirped.  “I’ll be the one sitting up front, on an angle, in the big red chair.”  Sweet. 

Sunday January 30, 2005

Posted by Ed and Lois

Manna meets @ 10:42 AM in The Park Theatre

248 South River Ave.
Holland, Mi 49423-3201

Acts 14   Dress warm

It’s Friday

Posted by Ed and Lois

Secret skills needed.

An explanation of skills needed will be given at 4:00 PM at The Carraugh. (Jan.28) If you already have the proper skills you have permission to skip. Most of us are seriously lacking and need to attend.(Dave are you listening ?)

Ed

Bankrobber Itemizes Cost Of Gun (Fox News)

Posted by Ed and Lois

Crime may not pay in the Netherlands, but it is deductible.

A bank robber in the southern Dutch town of Chaam (search) was able to subtract the cost of his gun from his fine, the Daily Telegraph of London reported.

The unnamed stickup man, 46, managed to convince a criminal court in Breda, near the Belgian border, that the $2,600 he spent on his pistol was a legitimate business expense.

The judge accordingly reduced the amount of restitution from $8,750, the amount stolen from the bank, to $6,150, before sentencing the robber to four years in prison earlier this week.

“You can compare criminal acts to normal business activities, where you must invest to make profits, and thus you have costs,” explained Leendert de Lange, a spokesman for the national prosecutor’s office.

Evangelicalism: The Tattooed Generation by Doug LeBlanc (Get Religion)

Posted by Ed and Lois

There’s little new about the story that Jamie “Jay” Bakker—the son of PTL Club cohosts Jim and Tammy Faye—survived a hellish journey through teenage alcoholism, reclaimed his Christian faith and has become a pastor in Atlanta. Bakker wrote about it in his autobiography, Son of a Preacher Man (2001).

Revolution is one of several thousand alternative ministries that have emerged in the last decade, meeting in warehouses, bars, skate parks, punk clubs, private homes or other spaces, in a generational rumble to rebrand the faith outside of what we think of as church. To travel among them is to feel returned to the alternative-rock scene of 15 years ago, just before Nirvana and Lollapalooza put it on the map. Instead of criticizing major record labels, these ministries criticize megachurches; instead of flattening the status of the rock star, they flatten the status of the pastor. They cluster in cells rather than in denominations or arenas, and connect through D.I.Y. zines online. They are a counterculture on two fronts: at odds with both their secular peers and conventional churches.
His biography, which forms the narrative center of his ministry, is an object lesson in what Ryan Dobson, the heavily tattooed son of James Dobson, founder of the conservative group Focus on the Family, calls “the Christian tendency to shoot our wounded.”